Too Much Time on Their Hands Vol.1

This marks another series of “Tears”. It seems that every once in a while, a story surfaces which, rightfully, makes me fitfully angry. Ever wonder how some people find the time to complain, or sue, over an imagined, idiotic wrong? I think that such “people” have too much time on their hands and I will chronicle and ridicule such reports. Here is my first:
This report comes from Harrisburg PA. I’ve been to Harrisburg PA. It is the capitol city of Pennsylvania. It seemed like a nice enough place and the folks I met there were always nice to me, and always seemed to be sane.
There is a crossing guard in Harrisburg PA, whose behavior has spurred complaint. It must be acknowledged that crossing guards are, generally, worthy of respect and consideration. They are responsible for the safe passage of little children from their homes, through areas of high vehicle traffic, to their schools, and vice-versa. They stand out on the streets in all kinds of weather. Our children know them. Sometimes these folks are called upon to interfere in our kids’ questionable behavior and remind them that there is a grown-up watching, who WILL notice what they are up to. Crossing guards don’t get paid for that, they perform that function just because they are there and they are human.
My story is about a crossing guard who is only too human and a busybody asshole who is definitely NOT. There is a gentleman crossing guard in Harrisburg who has taken to wearing funny hats while on the job. He subjects himself to the comments of children for the purpose of entertaining them on their way to school, where those kids will NOT be entertained. I’m sure some of the kids laugh at him. I’m sure some of the kids poke fun at him. This requires a generous attitude and a thick skin. I salute him. I wish I could remember his name so that I could properly honor him.
I wish that this story ended here. If that were the case, I certainly would not be angry. But these are “Tears of Blood”; you can bet that inhuman stupidity will be chronicled herein. Yes, the folks who run the crossing guard service in Harrisburg PA must be immune to intelligence, as must certain townsfolk. Someone in Harrisburg, probably some Mrs. Gulch-like (see “The Wizard of Oz) crone, has complained about the funny hats sported by our heroic crossing guard. As if that isn’t bad enough, the worthless drones (rhymes with crones) who run the crossing guard service, find fault with his humorous approach to his work. It is alleged that the wearing of funny hats by a school crossing guard poses a threat to the children and the public by virtue of its entertainment value, as opposed to the valueless status of bureaucrats and busybodies. Our heroic school crossing guard has been ordered to desist from this objectionable behavior and adopt a dour, humorless demeanor while working. Town official Bah Humbug issued the following comment: “What if everyone in Harrisburg behaved in such a pleasant, self-effacing and good-humored manner. Pretty soon we’d have folks waving at each other in friendliness, greeting each other pleasantly and acting in a polite way. We can’t have that. What kind of example does that set for our youngsters, who are schooled in mirthless political correctness? Humanity is innately no good and it’s about time our behavior reflected that immutable fact. I know mine does.” Mr. Humbug was then seen kicking a little stray doggie, ripping flowers out of the ground and throwing out all of the candy he could find. “Enjoyment, who needs it”, he said.
Come to Harrisburg, the town without humor (see: A Town Without Pity, thanks to Gene Pitney)

It's Too Scary for Drugs

In order to understand me, and this Tear, you have to know that I am a child of the sixties (and early seventies). Drug experimentation was a rite of passage, much to our detriment AND benefit. I have decided to no longer get high. I have come to the realization that the world is just too scary for me to enjoy life if I’m high.
Please remember that we Hippies were tripping on L.S.D. in a world with Johnson, Nixon and Agnew, but today’s world is too scary for me. With the crop of losers we have running the world today, folks long for the days when we had Johnson, Nixon and Agnew. We diced with nuclear catastrophe, but today’s ridiculously risky world is just too scary for me. When I am stupid enough to waste my drug money watching the news while I am high, the downer is just too strong for me. There is no drug yet discovered or invented which can provide an effective escape from the living hell in which we are all immersed.
The earth is on the brink of total destruction from an environmental Armageddon which will leave us all in a shrieking misery. Any psychotic madman can wipe out life on our planet, any time he wishes, just by opening up a canister of lethal chemicals. Our leaders fritter away our time and our lives in a drunken stupor while they are acclaimed on TV as heroic public servants. Our culture is so debased that we can no longer satirize it anymore because these representations just aren’t funny, only tragic. Every tasteless satirization made during the hallucinogenic sixties has been surpassed by real life. I laugh at real culture the way I used to laugh at “Kentucky Fried Movie”. Our presidents, justices, senators, congressmen and other public figures have actually become the caricatures I imagined while I was tripping. No wonder I’m too scared to get high. At least in the sixties, we trippers carried around a healthy dose of thorizine, in case the trip was too much for us. Nowadays, a person could wind up on thorizine, permanently, just from absorbing everything around him.
This revolting development could spell the victory in the war on drugs; just create a world where life is too damn scary to enjoy being high. Think of this: spontaneously, without any further action, people everywhere in our great nation will quit altering their consciousness because it just isn’t fun anymore. Why? Because when you come down, you’re in the same crummy world as when you took off. Drug dealers and producers will all go broke. Dope fields will lie fallow and their crops will go unharvested. I can see it all now; televised Congressional hearings where we will see the “CEO’S” of the major drug cartels demanding a government bail out. They will tell us that our nation is in danger of losing the arts of methamphetamine, cocaine and hallucinogen manufacturing. The agrarian art of marijuana farming will go the way of buggy whip production. The taxpayer needs to help these endangered industries, before it’s too late.
There I go again, scaring myself. The government would never, in a million years, bail out failing private industries to protect them from the excesses of their own failures. I must be tripping. Such a thing could never happen. That’s why I have decided that I will no longer get high anymore. Things have just gotten too scary for me. I’ve thrown away my hashhpipe and my rolling papers, and I have flushed my stash. God Bless America! PLEASE.

Another Look At History

This morning I watched a news report, which exact one is irrelevant because they all seem to be the same regarding this issue, on the Senate confirmation hearings of Timothy Geitner as Secretary of the Treasury. We all may, but should, be familiar with the secretary designate’s “minor” problem with the IRS. In the real world, no one has a minor problem with the IRS. That agency is famed for its tenacity and “brutality” in evaluating, penalizing and collecting the delinquent taxes owed, by its own reckoning. No legal or moral entity can overturn the decisions of the IRS. That is, unless the violator is designated as the next Secretary of the Treasury, the head of the agency which oversees the IRS. Secretary Designate Geitner has been allowed to remain indebted to the IRS until his impending appointment was called into review by the Senate. Then, and only then, Geitner agreed to settle his delinquency. I heard a critic wish that he might be allowed to maintain an outstanding account with the IRS until he, himself, may be so designated. In general, the various media news entities have dismissed the importance of Geitner’s delinquent status as an “unintended error”, mirroring the statements of the incoming Obama administration. I bet Mr. Bush wishes that these media “Obamaphiles” had been so supportive of the Bush party line in their various broadcasts. Our press has been afforded, by the constitution, certain privileges which render it immune from any government attempt to silence or influence it. That privilege comes with an unstated responsibility to be vigilant and inquiring, not a rubber stamp of their favorites.

What can we expect from a press sector which, privately and publicly, anointed their favorite, Obama, and excoriated his opponent for even raising questions about Obama’s readiness or suitability to serve, during the campaign? Some Obama detractors have inappropriately, I believe, referred to him as the “Savior” or the “Anointed One”, due to their frustration with the thinly veiled advocacy within the press. To be fair, it must be noted that Obama never requested or demanded such partiality from his erstwhile allies in the press, and it could hardly be posited that he should have rejected such support on the basis of fairness. Nonetheless, he did benefit unjustly. The “impartial” reporters seemingly anointed their choice. This reminds me of the overall reaction, in the news media, to the candidacy of President Kennedy in his campaign against Nixon. It also reminds me of the adoration given to another iconic anointee.

Over five hundred years ago, between 1495 and 1498, creative genius Leonardo da Vinci devoted his unequaled talents to the depiction of a scene of great religious historic significance, the Last Supper. This great inspired work of art shows Leonardo’s imaginative picture of the last supper of Jesus Christ. It also depicts the attendance of his twelve disciples, in an arrangement meaningful to many. This great masterpiece serves as our representation of that event.

What will Americans five hundred years hence say and think about the untarnished admiration afforded to President Obama by his adoring press? Will they adopt a more discerning view of the press’s sycophancy? Might future Americans develop a sarcastic attitude about the role played by an adoring press, as they ignored all of Obama’s flaws and branded those who detracted, by virtue of those flaws, as racists or worse ( although in today’s politically correct atmosphere there can hardly be a designation more severe than alleged racism)? Let us look at the Last Supper as an example of the unconditional admiration one, however righteous he may be, can enjoy. Will Geitner be depicted as an adoring disciple, immune from any attempt at inspection? He has been lauded, without ever having indicating worthiness, much to the contrary, as necessary to our nation’s economic recovery. Will Gates, Secretary of Defense (leftover from the “evil” Bush administration) be depicted as Judas, especially if he ever differentiates himself from the views Obama may hold regarding the War on Terror? Will Hillary be depicted as the androgynously swooning John? Has Leonardo given us an inspired warning against unquestioning hero worship as opposed to the actual worship of heavenly, truly religious figures?

We have afforded the utmost respect and admiration to Leonardo for his inventive nature, his sensitive artistic talents and his apparent genius. We should reserve such regard for those who have shown that they are deserving of it. We should not regard those who have never demonstrated such qualities as “extra-humanly” endowed until such time as their actions and accomplishments justify that, nearly unique, regard. We should not infuse into the nature of any person infallibility reserved for the most holy and revered among us.

Although I wish him every success, and although I did not vote for his opponent, I hope we look at Obama, our nation’s first African-American president, with an undaunted eye capable of evaluating his accomplishments according to their real value and not infused with a false sense of unqualified admiration, due only to electoral distinction. I hope that Obama hopes for the same thing, as well, regardless of whatever his sycophantic followers may hope. Otherwise his presidency will not be measured, for posterity, by his actual accomplishments, only by his adoration. I think any man deserves better than that.