The Elimimination of Severe Language

I feel compelled to comment and ridicule some changes I have noticed in the way the administration in Washington has chosen to adjust its “newspeak”. Driven by a desire to eliminate severe language, which can be more destructive than even some of the destructive elements it describes, politically correct adjustments in reference terms must be made.
Henceforth, terrorists will be referred to as “wayward partisans”, in respect to today’s post partisan atmosphere. Enemy combatants will be called “unfriendly brothers” because, after all, aren’t we all brothers beneath our petty differences. What we used to consider acts of terrorism will now be “man-made disasters”. In consideration of the feelings of those poised to strike against us, the ACLU complains that their enemy combatant clients are afraid of terroristic indictments. In order to tone down judgmental rhetoric, the Department of Justice will now refer to felons as the morally challenged and their victims as, the more acceptable, ultra-late term abortions, since we are all really victims. Out of respect for the dietary practices of our Jihadist brethren, bacon will now be called “crispy meaty strips”.
These positive changes in linguistics have been adopted by other governmental agencies as well. The National Weather Service wishes to remove the stigma and bad connotations from many meteorological terms. Hurricanes will now be referred to as “rain parties”. Blizzards are “overwhelming snow and wind”. Tornadoes will be called “bloviating sky”. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has announced that floods are now “excess hydration” and wildfires are “unwanted forest warming”.
Administration sources tell us that they hope that bullshit hating Americans will not undergo consternation over these changes, or as we may have previously referred, shit hemorrhages. The new administration watchwords have become “trillions for wasteful spending, but not one cent for unwelcome criticism”.
My outrage has actually been fueled by the administration’s abandonment of the term “war on terror”. It appears to me as if the administration wishes to draw our jihadist blood enemy closer to us so that their thankless task of damaging and subsequently destroying our nation and our culture will be more within their grasp. Most Americans just don’t realize how incredibly difficult the jihadist goal of bringing the once great nation of America to its knees actually is. America is the homeland of dysfunction and destructiveness and it’s about time we began to live up, or down, to that potential.